My Name is Jenn and I am a Psychic-holic

Umm yeah so I got another reading, lol! To my credit, I am only getting the lowest charging ones with good accuracy, so give me a break! So far I have gotten four of them, and finally I got 2 that are the same!

This one was from Panrosa (panrosareadings.com) and it was beautiful, insightful and touching. She said she senses that the only thing I have always wanted was a child and that I continue to wonder if and when I will ever have one. She sensed no negativity regarding me conceiving a child, thank goodness.

She said I would conceive in October 2011 (so did Ruby) and would give birth next June to a baby girl who weighs about 7 lbs. That is now 3 psychics out of 4 who said girl, so yay! I will be getting my little Rosemarie hopefully!

Okay so if I conceive in October, it will be my first cycle on Soy Isoflavones which is interesting.. definitely thought it would take longer. And not to be a negative nancy, but the only thing keeping me from thinking of this possibility is the fact that after NINE years of TTC, we conceive the FIRST CYCLE after trying it? That is hard to wrap my head around, but I won't give up hope!

If I don't this time, no worries. I have other predictions for next year :)

Oh I forgot to add that she said she saw another girl in 2015 and a boy in 2017!

Soy This Cycle? Nope.. Just Kidding

Okay so big change of plans for this cycle. Yes I was going to start the Soy Iso's but I couldn't find it anywhere yesterday! We checked the grocery store, two different drug stores and Walmart. Nothing! BOO!

So at first I was really bummed out but then this morning I decided on a new plan for this cycle. I had planned on doing a "perfect month" for the month of September anyways (where you eat under your calorie limit and exercise every day for the whole month) so it's a good time to not do any TTC stuff and focus on my weight and health for the month.

Also I am out of Folic Acid which I definitely need, there are also some other vitamins/supplements DH and I both want to get. So I figured I could spend this cycle saving up and getting everything we need for our first Soy cycle which will be the next one. That way we will be 100% prepared when the cycle starts.

My shopping list for this month is as follows:

• Soy Isoflavones
• Folic Acid
• Prenatal Vitamins
• CoQ10
• Green Tea
• Preseed
• Digital OPK's
• Coast Science MFS (DH)

So as you can see I am behind on everything pretty much! I mean for just one cycle it is about $200, though the Prenatals, Soy, CoQ and Folic Acid will last longer than one cycle. I just figure if we take this cycle off it will give us a little mini break before the next few months.

What I had originally planned is doing the Soy Iso's for 4 months while DH takes the MFS (male fertility supplement from Coast Science) and then after 4 months of him taking those, we would have him get an SA to see where his numbers are. If they are good and we haven't gotten PG I would take Femara for 2 cycles (I will have 2 months worth). So that is 6 straight months of scheduling BD and TTC which will take its toll on us for sure. *Hopefully* we will get PG in that amount of time, but if not, we will move on to the new RE after the 6 months.\

So that's the new plan for this cycle! Lots of *~* Baby Dust *~* all around!

A Breakdown, a New Blog and a Fresh Start

This isn't my first blog and it probably wont be my last. My history of TTC and infertility is long in years but short in answers and experience. Meaning we have been trying to get pregnant for almost a decade but have only have very minor tests done, no procedures and are still waiting for more answers.

What we do know is that DH has severe male infertility with 2 million motile sperm at his last SA - which was 2 years ago, so who knows what it is now. I used to ovulate regularly but for the past year or so my cycles have been long and erratic. We have been to the RE just once for my BW which was normal but then we lost insurance and havent been back; not that insurance covered all that much.

Trying for this long is beyond what little words I know could comprehend. Stressful? Yes. Frustrating? Most Definitely. Depressing? Every Day. But those really dont measure up to the utter pain and loss and fear and sadness that you get from infertility. However they will do for now.

I had somewhat of a breakdown, a mental episode, a couple months ago. It was shortly after Mother's Day and I just snapped after seeing literally dozens of "Being a mother is such a blessing" posts on Facebook. I deleted every single mom or expecting mom on my page except for those that I couldnt remove like my own mom, aunts, cousins and sisters. It was a really bad time for me but I have since added everyone back and am not so nutso.

During the breakdown I also deleted all of my "internet presence" including all of my blogs, twitter, social bookmarking sites, myspace (which I didnt use and dont miss), fertility friend account, pretty much anything that was deletable. Unfortunately at the time I had an IF blog that got deleted with a lot of great posts. It is such a bummer that it is now gone forever..

So here I am with a new blog and a fresh start. Because I have different blogs of different subjects, I had to create separate emails. But that means this account can be just for TTC  and infertility in regards to my About Me sections, profile, email and the blogs that I follow.

I will be back soon with somewhat of an update and where we are now in our very long journey.